Pain Train Destroys Williamstown; Residents Thankful To Finally Be Free of WUFO Tyranny

HI!

So at some point over the past few months, Dartmouth Ultimate rolled down to Williamstown, MA. Leaving Hanover to go to Williams is like moving out of a Mass Row single and living in a shack around town: nobody in their right mind would do it. But still, it happens roughly twice a year, because the survival of Dartmouth Ultimate as a gene pool demands that we procreate outside of our own group at least occasionally. That's what the PV Party is for.

Now, I played really well. I was sort of a cutter-handler-coach-observer hybrid - it worked because I've never once thrown an incompletion or made the wrong call. We kept stats until the boxes next to my name were all filled up, then we crumpled it up and lit it on fire. And that's how the bonfire tradition started.

But as good as I was, I couldn't make up for one person: Thomas Donahoe. He was playing so poorly I am pretty convinced he is doing some primary research for his Benedict Arnold biography he's writing. Yeah, I said it: Steve HOLT! is a traitor. And were it not for Crew's investigative reporting, we never would have known.

After going 9-3-5-1 during Saturday, we went to the party. That one band played, it was sweaty, security was everywhere and some freshman climbed a tree. He came down after a few minutes, but we were worried. Oh, and Wheaties solo-landsharked. It was one of the top 3 Ian Wheat-related things I have ever seen, and by far the best one I have ever smelled. Dave Chappelle flew in from Africa to recreate his Howard Dean impression, and by midnight we were all sucking our thumbs, visions of plums dancing in our heads.

On Sunday we lost all our games.